Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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