i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
