So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
