i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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