i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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