My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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