the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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