...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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