This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
