Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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