Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
