bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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