What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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