I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
