my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
