I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize