just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
