my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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