I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
