Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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