So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
