i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
