Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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