I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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