Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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