you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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