I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize