I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
