I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
