and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
