im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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