you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
