Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
