I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
