I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize