ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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