my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
