You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My vagina is officially offended.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
