She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
