I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
