You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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