somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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