if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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