there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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