that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
