And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
