so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
