he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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