I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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