How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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