I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
