3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
