On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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