How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
