i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I intend to get homeless drunk
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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