so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
