I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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