He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
