you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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