If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
