I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
