I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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