I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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