then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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