i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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