Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize