Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize