I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
