i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
