did you get engaged???
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
