If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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