Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
