i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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