yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
please don't ironically join a cult
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