; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
