Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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