is your mom at the bar?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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