I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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