i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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