Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
