Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
