dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
