tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
