Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
